I was in a very angry state when I arrived at Church on Sunday with Meg, having gotten into an argument with her based on past events, where I felt attacked and condemned by her words to me, based on a history of being judged and condemned without logical basis by my adoptive mother and sister respectively. This forced me into a review of my entire life since I was 3 years old. Interestingly my lovely wife Meg & I had connected on a deep integral level on Saturday the day before like we did when we were first data more than 14 years ago.
I say for 24 min 18 seconds in the chair in the entry of the church, in the window with sunlight hitting my back. I closed my eyes and called out to God and Christ Jesus and asked for the Holy Spirit to light up in my mind any unforgiving thoughts I had since early childhood about anyone who hurt me with words or actions. I had to forgive dozens of people, some of whom are dead now, and it felt like a ton of bricks was lifted. I asked God to forgive me for being a bad husband and having that argument with Meg. I asked God for insight into why simple words escalated into such hard feelings that took so long to diffuse. I ask God why I got so upset over what amounts to nothing or simple issues that could have been talked about in dialog peacefully, lovingly, the way God asks of me, such that I emulate Christ Jesus as a loving husband and loyal husband to my wife.
I had been thinking a lot about deep human connection having developed a profound friendship with Dr. Joe Potts, another district employee who I have spoken with extensively about ethics and morality, specifically why I became a bus driver with platonic concern for the wellness and success of children since they are the future of mankind on Earth and specifically future Americans in America, when I become old they will become similar to my current age, since they are 30+ years younger. I can only imagine what Earth will be like in 30 years when they are similar to my current age, probably very similar to today with vastly improved technology.
Upon reviewing all human connections formed with other people during my life, it became obvious that the most precious valuable or priceless thing was not experiences, not conscious experiences, but dynamic deep connections with other people in profound complex discussions talking about the most complicated aspects of the mind and life & how people are related in complex webs or networks, but how each person only has a finite amount of time in life, such that each opportunity they have to interact with someone else special and precious since we only get to meet and speak with a small number of the total number of living people during our lives.
Something to "Think About" if you will. Hope that inspires you to reflect on life the way it makes me perpetually wonder why I am able to connect with other warm loving benevolent kind hearted people more easily and more deeply, in amazing levels of depth but also platonic since I only have romantic interactions with my lovely wife Meg, and love her and God deeply in the core of my heart, mind, will and emotions as a loyal husband and loyal follower of Christ Jesus determined to be perfected as a man of God to serve the Kingdom of God showing other people, animals and nature love any way that I am able to image, daily sacrificing my fleshly earthly desires and carnal temptations to pursue excellence of Character knowing that God watching me continually and knows everything about my even the inner thoughts of my heart, and will judge my soul when I die and stand before God, like all others people, for final judgement. Thus I endeavor with intention to be perfected as to the obedience of Christ Jesus to love God completely and speak, act and behave accordingly so that God never lifts his blessing from my life.
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