Burned, Ditched, Dumped, Heart Broken, Love is an Emotional Rollercoaster

If you go into this post, be forewarned, it is about my dating history presented in a very abstract summary, so if that's not your thing, please check out some of my other blog postings at priusblack.blogspot.com 

I was listening to Radiohead's song "Creep" & The Pixels "where's my mind" songs on YouTube & they took me back down memory road to fun dynamic experiences of times past. The highs & lows of love that really came up emotionally in my memory, so I wrote about it & shared it here :) Strong emotions can burn memories in very deeply. 

Dating as a teenager really special. There is nothing else like that first love, that first one who captured your heart & mind. Young love is something truly special because of how it occurs when the body going through hormonal peaking & emotional & social pressures & stresses as high school end. Everyone wants to be liked & fit in. I never cared much for this & just followed my heart. I was a drummer in many different bands at school & even started a band with my buddy Clint. To be polite to those women who were part of my past I will not use their full names. 

I remember having early amorous feelings for Jenny, when I was about 7 or 8 years old. It was about then that I realized that I was heterosexual & had emotional feelings for girls that I was attracted too. I have even fewer clear memories of having emotional hits of sexual energy for women, but it was a diffused feeling, probably from a lack of hormonal levels that peak later in the human body's development. Thats about it from Elementary School. 

In middle school I had several crushes & my first official girlfriend, Lindsey in the 6th grade cheated on me with a high school guy. I learned about this at my buddy June's house where I met his supermodel stepmom & wow, she was super beautiful, Eurasian & not too much older than us. I think she was about 20 when we were 12. I had a light crush on Lisa after that point. I never spoke with Lindsey for the remaining 2.5 years in middle school. Next, I found Bonnie very interesting & had a crush on her, but nothing ever panned out as she was afraid of me because of rumors that were untrue about me being dangerous person. Off to high school. 

I didn't date much or even think much about it freshman year & was having a blast just being a student. 9th grade was very interesting in terms of activities, tennis, band, snowboarding at Stevens Pass, hiking, Boy Scouts, it was a great year. In 10th grade I became infatuated with Liz, & she engaged me. Thats when the roller coaster started. We dated for 5 months & she broke up with me, emotionally upset for reasons & did not understand & that she was unwilling to explain. After being burned again, I was increasingly skeptical of dating & focused on school & band & my hobbies, high voltage, laser, internet, photography with chemical film & other fun, especially bicycle riding & snowboarding! I even started roller skating & playing tennis & taking tennis lessons from Alice, a terse unrelenting but excellent Tennis teacher/ coach! 11th grade was an advanced repeat of 10th, but I got into anthropology & science more, history & music even deeper. During 12th grade I met 10th grade Ali & she made my last year in High School amazing. It was a blur of positive memories & emotional peaks. 

Off to college, Ali & I were having a long-distance relationship that failed shortly after the start of her junior year in HS. I got drunk at a frat house one night & Liz honed in on me & seduced me; she was visiting our mutual friend Nicky & found out where I was. She approached me with a 6 pack of tall cans of Busch beer & said "I have a lot to say & want to apologize for hurting you in the past; I know it seemed really hard & mean, but I was raped & didn't know how to process it & needed space emotionally" which made me feel bad, so I reluctantly agreed to go off to a quiet room with her to talk for a while drinking beer. We both went off the deep end. That ended my relationship with Ali & made me a cheater. A storm of negative feedback followed. Now single, I started partying more & became friends with Shaun & Tiffany, who came to WSU from Alaska. Not long after Tiffany & I started dating. That ended when I left to go home after my second year at WSU. 

I started attending a local community college & really focused on getting back on track academically. I came into some money & sold my motorcycle 1999 Honda CBR-600 & other car 1995 Toyota Celica 1.8, pooled these funds together & took out a small car loan to buy my then brand new 2005 Prius II *(still have it, just changed the front brake pads at 152,540 mi for the first time, amazingly) About a year into community college & I got a random cell phone call from Liz, saying she wanted to go to church with me. Given her history as a religion hating person, I found this amazing & agreed to meet up with her. Shortly after that, we started dating. She, the gold digger, got bad information that I had inherited millions of $ when in reality that was my childhood best friend Matt Mayo who got millions, I only got tens of thousands. We continued data until one day we went for a hike & she asked me about how much money I had inherited. I told her the truth. I had an excellent credit score, good GPA, no debt & was healthy & well. After that she stopped calling me & then met up with me to break up with me again. I learned from our mutual friend that she was looking for a free ride in life & since I was unable to pay for such, she was not actually interested in me, which really hurt because I loved her sincerely! Burned again, I resisted dating. I then went to the UW to complete college & during my last year I met Jasmine & we started dating. She kept thinking I was gay because I was not all super aggressive right at first like other guys she had been with previously. She was infuriated when she showed me a before & after picture of her boob job & I was unable to notice the difference. I ended that relationship while eating breakfast at a restaurant when she asked me for the 6th time if I was actually straight or gay. I was furious & walked away & never spoke to her again. I had warned her to stop asking me that because I find the question offensive on many levels, since I am not gay. I am articulate & read a lot & educated & intelligent, not super big. She wanted a big, tall muscle man with lots of sexual energy & that was not me. 

After graduating college, I met Andrea', a married women who had two small boys & a very aloof husband. I became friends with the whole family & then partied with them one night & it got really late & really drunk, so they told me to pass out in the living room & brought me blankets & pillows to sleep on. About 4 am I felt something touching my hand which sort of woke me & then it became more intense. That kicked off a whole series of wild interactions, hidden cheating & worse that ended when I told her I cannot be a home wrecker & was not ever interested in moving to California (I hate the state of California) // & was not interested in having a dangling moron, her current husband, entangled with me for decades.

Now, back then, I was determined to be happily single. I started hanging out with my buddy Jaeson & we started the Underground Brewing company, from a very small metal bot with Malt Extract, hops & then into a single glass carboy with a water trap bung into which we pitched the yeast. 6 weeks later about 4.5 gallons of beer was ready. Jaeson was a UPS driver who I had known in childhood before he & his family moved away. He was delivering a package in the Issaquah Highlands to my sister, whose name he recognized & left a note on the package saying "hey, if you have a brother named Aaron, please give him my phone number" which enabled us to reconnect as adults. I was over at Jaeson's Apartment in Redmond a lot, playing video games & talking making & drinking beer. I even hung out watching content & weighing up hops while Jaeson was getting with some random women. He had a new woman coming over every other day, like a leaky faucet, seemed like many hundreds within a year. 

He eventually found love & settled down & married Alicia, someone I had been friends with all along. He even tricked me into meeting Meg, my beautiful, lovely wife. That was back in 2010. Meg & I still happily married & I feel exceeding lucky to be her husband. I worry that this will not last & that she will leave me someday. Its because I have been cheated on & burned as noted above that I have lingering issues with trust, but really more of a worried suspicion. Part of me worries that I will be widowed early in the future. Those are insecurities & mental issues I struggle with. I don't like & don't want to get older & there is nothing I can do to prevent or avoid it, other than to stay fit mentally, morally & physically & to do my best for God & my country to obey the law at all times & to help other people any way that I can imagine.