It's hard to explain, but I listen to Paul Cardall on Pandora & some of his songs are so emotive they make me weep with enjoyment. They almost sound like a persons life, the priceless value of a person's soul, the supreme highest excellence in all ways of God or similarly something miraculous that keeps a person from committing suicide.
No secrete to anyone that knowns me, I have suffered from suicidal ideation at different times of great stress & confusion & self hatred. Thankfully now I have learned why I ended up in these"mental emotional" dead ends & have developed a strategy of "praising God" & "listening to music thats enjoyable" & mindfulness exercises where I focus on things I like and enjoy! I focus on who God says I am now. In a way, its as though a positive feedback loop of reformation happening to my mind & soul, something I once wrote about years ago during a period of extreme stress & mental decay "In time I will find a way to find peace" & I am talking about that "peace" that transcends understanding. More of a profound feeling of awe or inspiration, relief or revelation simply reflecting on how amazing God is or how life really miraculously exists despite so many ways for it to go wrong. Like water, life finds a way that I find inspirational & interesting.
There is apart of me that wants to make life too, so I guess I can relate to why God created reality in this small way. I never had children since it does not work naturally with my wife Meg & would actually be destructive to our lives. Children are not for everyone & having a child would make me a nervous wreck since I would be a helicopter parent & absolutely obsessed about protecting my child from the dark corners of the internet while still wanting them to read wikipedia freely the way I do to have access to the truth & facts about everything. Some factual things about reality can be really upsetting or hard or heavy conceptually, mentally or emotionally, so thats a mixed bag & explains why some kids today have many issues that no one else ever had to deal with growing up.
Freedom of thought really a mixed bag, something for everyone in a way. We each started as a single cell, the fusion of our fathers sperm with our mothers egg. Through cell division & quantum mechanics & biochemistry, chemicals from foods that our mother ate became our flesh & blood & we emerge from her like a parasite with a painful birth so intense it's sometime fatal to the mother or baby. Amazing that a vagina & more so that a cervix can expand like that. The structural modification of mons body during pregnancy & damage that occurs during birth really amazing when you think about it! Did you know that bone, human bones are dynamically remodeling constantly like clouds moving in the sky ? Osteoporosis because of an imbalance in the osteoclast & osteoblast system that causes more bone to break down than is being built. Many drugs to treat osteoporosis damage the bone eating cells & allow the bone building cells to make more bone, improving bone density. Gravity really helps to shape our bones too, as illustrate by what happens to astronauts that spend long periods of time orbiting the Earth in space stations where micro-gravity causes their bones to "fall apart" or weaken. Adapting to Earth's gravity when they return after hundreds of days in space has been described as mind bending painful.
Pain can be mental in origin. Grief from the loss of someone you love for example. But even some body pain can be psychological in origin. Belief is a powerful things. Explains the placebo effect. If someone believes something will do something, they will think it did, even if it didn't. You could given someone a glass of liquids of a "powerful painkiller" & if they believe that it is a genuine powerful pain relief medication, they will experience pain relief from drinking that glass even though it was just water with a little flavor added to simulate the "Drug" part //
Pain killers are a dead end because of toxicity & tolerance or down regulation of the receptors that respond to opioids. Down regulation in neurons & the body are a form of biological balancing mechanism designed to keep the human body in homeostatic balance & away from unhealthy extreme state of imbalance or dysfunction, the common basis for many diseases for example results from a disturbance to a hormonal axis or imbalance in neurochemicals or other cytokine signaling molecules like the IL series which many MAB or PAB monoclonal or polyclonal antibody medications or biologics address with artificial means to rebalance by adjusting cell signaling to turn on or off certain genes that promote or suppress inflammation for example, in conditions such as arthritis or certain cancers. Using small molecular drugs like opioids inevitably gives rise to tolerance in the user where by which increasingly larger doses are required & where the users own opioid receptor agonists stop functioning. The body produces many classes of chemicals that activate opioid receptors & when a user introduces opioids externally with pills this overwhelms the opioid receptor system, giving rise to a reduction in the number of opioid receptors in what is known as down regulation, the underlying mechanism of drug tolerance formation.
Anti-depressants are a dead ends because we cannot use small molecules to cause lasting change in psychological function except in the rarest of instances such as that of a moderate single dose of LSD or psilocybin. With the exception of a few specific chemical agents, most drugs induce tolerance, including caffeine & ethanol, commonly consumed & widely used drugs. Tobacco is no more nicotine alone than coffee or tea is caffeine alone, though in all three cases a primary substance, alkaloid, responsible for the majority of the observable effect on people, stimulate in the case of caffein, euphoric depressant depending on dose in the case of ethanol & anti-depressant stimulant in the case of small doses of nicotine obtained by smoking or other means that users employ to obtain dosing of nicotine at sub toxic levels that are "enjoyable". Tobacco smoke contains thousands of chemicals, many of which have biological effects on the human body & brain. People have been using drugs of different kinds like tobacco for nearly 10,000+ years. Salt, sugar, tobacco, alcohol, much of modern civilization & trade & economic growth has deep roots in the salt, sugar & tobacco trade worldwide. At one point sugar was more valuable than gold, as was salt, the base of the word salary comes from the historical value of salt in antiquity.
This posting not only about the beautiful patterns of brain activity created by enjoying music, its about how your brain makes its own drugs internally automatically with food chemicals you consumed in your diet, mostly carbohydrates, fats & proteins or collections of amino acids that make up the base of DNA & every cell in every living thing on Earth with few if any exceptions of which I am aware of none //
Thank you for reading my thinking. Thats part of why I named by blog Thinking About It! Everyones brain has tens of thousands of threads of thinking happening 24 hours per day 7 days per week throughout their life. No one starts out an expert at anything, practice makes perfect & you know what I mean. I was once a terrible English student in school & now write regularly to share my thoughts & thinking with other people with the hope that it helps someone else understand life more. I spent years reading wikipedia & want to share some of what I have learned in a way thats edifying or interesting!
My wife has saved my live repeatedly by convincing me not to commit suicide & I owe her everything because of her enduring love & kindness. I also owe a great debt to God for creating me & everything else I know in the world, especially my loving amazing wife. It might be possible to feel lonely even when in a loving relationship & I know what you mean. My dreams at night are often fantasies that I cannot describe, but often highly enjoyable & telling of what I really want in life, to live more, more dynamically, more free, more engaged, with more different experiences that are the spice of life. Difference makes all the difference, a world of people that are all the same would be boring & not worth living in. I am glad to live in a multicultural area of the USA & enjoy the differences of others, with different ethnicity, different looks, different styles, different interests, we are all a little bit different, genetically, socially, emotionally, but we also all have a lot in common as one human people on Earth. We are all brothers & sisters & I love you I wish to see everyone happy & thriving & enjoying life more! I want to see my fellow men & women on Earth enjoy life the most & thats why I speak out against pollution & stupid drug abuse or neglect of animals & nature & promote clean renewable nuclear & solar & wind & geothermal energy. I love innovation & am excited to see where we go as a people!
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